[Despair, hm? He's more familiar with that than apathy. He has felt it and felt it keenly. But it has only been the driving force to push forward. His empathy for the people, Adeptus and Gods around him driving him onward and to not give into it. If he had given into despair at Guizhong's death they all would have met their end. Or perhaps faced a fate more akin to the God of Salt's whose people attempted to save her the suffering that would surely have come had Gods and monsters descended on her small abode.
After Khaenri'ah he kept his head above water. One of the few who did. Barbatos went to sleep and Beelzebul locked herself away and Focalors set her stage. What is the state of his soul? Was stepping down his position in a most deceitful manner the same? Perhaps in some small ways... The wear and tear of a long lived life and the present and heavy exhaustion within. The loneliness that pangs every time he takes a sip of this very wine.
And even this retirement he's taken. While he does enjoy meandering around it does boil down to listening to old tales exaggerated and made up of old friends. He offers his small corrections when he can and offers debate where it makes sense to. But as this stretch of pretending to be human continues it finds itself being less fulfilling. Empty and devoid of purpose and now with a twinge of concern with the Hydro Sovereign regaining his footing within his realm. While it will not threaten Liyue it is a bridge he does not wish to cross. He is less than enthused about a trial over something he had to do to protect his own.
And this whole show that may throw his identity into the open and call him back to duties he had attempted to skirt from. The Heavenly Principles that watch on high will not take kindly to an Archon attempting to slip free, especially after the destruction of the Hydro throne.
It leaves a more uncertain future than ever. But there has been a shimmering glimmering hope in all this. A golden light that has been found here. Promising and warm... Something everlasting. Something that he does not wish to lose nor drag into the problems that will one day fall upon him.
Zhongli lets out a sigh, deep and heavy. Exhausted and weary. But he does meet her warm smile with a small one of his own. Her words have given him quite a bit to chew on. This conversation is missing the gentle melody of Streetward Rambler in the distance and Guizhong's encouragement to just: Go forth. It makes him long for their lost past. How wonderfully Lucifer would have fit in the with rest of them in their Guili Plains and mountain top homes. Nothing lasts forever, alas. Even mountains eventually topple and the sturdiest stones crumble to naught but dust.]
A ballast, is it? [He lifts a hand to run through the long tresses of her hair before settling at the back of her head so he can bring her in close for a gentle forehead kiss. Due to the effects they're still currently under. And due to the deep affection he has for her. It can be both up here high on the ramparts and away from prying eyes and ears.] Then that is what I shall attempt to be.
[Unseen support that no one thinks of save for those that already know it's place. Is that not what he is for Liyue still? For the friends that have withstood the test of time? For the Traveler and some of her treacherous quests? And now still with with these new connections. Such a load bearing stone he has become even in retirement... But the foundation of good relationships is the give and take. Should he start to sink, as he was presently, there will be someone to make sure it's not too far nor too deep. To remove the weight and carry it for a stint. He must be sure that is in place before allowing his heart to entwine any deeper with this dearest find from the show.
He allows a few moments of silence between them, holding her close and in a way that he hasn't done in an age.]
Before this is over.... Should one wish to push someone down the well I can be certain to seal it and have none be the wiser.
no subject
After Khaenri'ah he kept his head above water. One of the few who did. Barbatos went to sleep and Beelzebul locked herself away and Focalors set her stage. What is the state of his soul? Was stepping down his position in a most deceitful manner the same? Perhaps in some small ways... The wear and tear of a long lived life and the present and heavy exhaustion within. The loneliness that pangs every time he takes a sip of this very wine.
And even this retirement he's taken. While he does enjoy meandering around it does boil down to listening to old tales exaggerated and made up of old friends. He offers his small corrections when he can and offers debate where it makes sense to. But as this stretch of pretending to be human continues it finds itself being less fulfilling. Empty and devoid of purpose and now with a twinge of concern with the Hydro Sovereign regaining his footing within his realm. While it will not threaten Liyue it is a bridge he does not wish to cross. He is less than enthused about a trial over something he had to do to protect his own.
And this whole show that may throw his identity into the open and call him back to duties he had attempted to skirt from. The Heavenly Principles that watch on high will not take kindly to an Archon attempting to slip free, especially after the destruction of the Hydro throne.
It leaves a more uncertain future than ever. But there has been a shimmering glimmering hope in all this. A golden light that has been found here. Promising and warm... Something everlasting. Something that he does not wish to lose nor drag into the problems that will one day fall upon him.
Zhongli lets out a sigh, deep and heavy. Exhausted and weary. But he does meet her warm smile with a small one of his own. Her words have given him quite a bit to chew on. This conversation is missing the gentle melody of Streetward Rambler in the distance and Guizhong's encouragement to just: Go forth. It makes him long for their lost past. How wonderfully Lucifer would have fit in the with rest of them in their Guili Plains and mountain top homes. Nothing lasts forever, alas. Even mountains eventually topple and the sturdiest stones crumble to naught but dust.]
A ballast, is it? [He lifts a hand to run through the long tresses of her hair before settling at the back of her head so he can bring her in close for a gentle forehead kiss. Due to the effects they're still currently under. And due to the deep affection he has for her. It can be both up here high on the ramparts and away from prying eyes and ears.] Then that is what I shall attempt to be.
[Unseen support that no one thinks of save for those that already know it's place. Is that not what he is for Liyue still? For the friends that have withstood the test of time? For the Traveler and some of her treacherous quests? And now still with with these new connections. Such a load bearing stone he has become even in retirement... But the foundation of good relationships is the give and take. Should he start to sink, as he was presently, there will be someone to make sure it's not too far nor too deep. To remove the weight and carry it for a stint. He must be sure that is in place before allowing his heart to entwine any deeper with this dearest find from the show.
He allows a few moments of silence between them, holding her close and in a way that he hasn't done in an age.]
Before this is over.... Should one wish to push someone down the well I can be certain to seal it and have none be the wiser.